If I Can't be With You
by BoogaHP1D
Summary: I can't wait for the day...the day that I can hold you and kiss you and love you again...I can't wait for the day when we meet again, in heaven…Brittana


_**Warnings: Character Death and Extreme Sadness and some language...**_

 _ **Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own glee. :(**_

* * *

It had been a week.

Just one week since she got that phone call.

That fucking phone call.

The one where you find out the love of your live was killed in a car crash.

That phone call.

She wonders, is it normal?

Is it normal for someone's heart to ache?

Is it normal to endlessly have tears streaming?

Is it normal to feel this way when you lose someone?

But she wasn't just someone, she was HER someone.

The one who would protect her.

Trust her.

Today is the funeral.

She doesn't really want to be here.

Hell, she's sure that no one really wants to be here.

No one wants to be at a funeral for a fucking twenty-five year old.

Twenty-five.

That's how old she was, fresh out of college.

They always say that only the good die young, and she wonders, why did she have to be so good.

So perfect.

Maybe if just once she could've been imperfect.

Maybe she could've lived.

But, she thinks, that it wouldn't have been like Brittany.

Because Brittany was perfect.

Brittany S. Pierce.

The love of her life.

She hasn't used the word "was" yet.

She doesn't think she ever will.

How can you describe someone so young, so full of life using "was".

She can't. So she doesn't.

They're all here.

Everyone.

Finn, Rachel, Kurt, Puck, Blaine, Sam, Mike Tina, Artie, Quinn, Mercedes, Will, Emma, and even Sue.

All of them.

Yet, she can't seem to recognize them.

Through the tears.

And the aching.

She can't even recognize the people she knows best.

They all know the experience of love.

And they all know the feeling of loss.

Love, to her, seems like an uphill battle.

The moment everything seems to come together, it starts to fall apart.

And she doesn't think she can tolerate one more lonely empty night.

Or another dark day, knowing she isn't there to brighten it up.

The funeral starts.

And she cries some more.

Because nothing will ever be the same.

As much as she tries, she knows it's not going to work.

She knows that her bed will forever be empty.

It doesn't mean she can't think it's filled.

Filled with love.

And she knows that this emptiness can't be filled.

Filled with anything but love.

Brittany's love.

She wants nothing more than to have one last chance.

One last hello.

One last goodbye.

One last "I love you".

One last touch.

One last kiss.

And it hurts that she didn't get that.

It was taken away by some fucking stupid college kid.

And now, she wants nothing more than to be in Brittany's place.

But she knows that if it was her, Brittany would be in pain.

And she doesn't want that.

She wonders, was it painful?

Her death?

She hopes it wasn't.

Because Brittany didn't deserve to feel pain.

Quinn reaches out to hold her hand.

Normally, she wouldn't take affection from anyone but Brittany.

But, under the circumstances, she didn't want to refuse.

Because it hurt to not feel the love Brittany gave her.

And the funeral ends, and she walks away.

She walks away from the people that love her, to find the only one she loves.

And she's not there.

There is a burial at the cemetery.

As they cover up the coffin, she wants so badly to collapse on the ground and sob.

But she knows better.

Because Brittany doesn't want her to feel pain.

Brittany wants her to move on.

But she knows she can't.

It's impossible.

Everyone starts to leave, and she is left alone.

She carries the flowers she brought and lays them on the ground.

Roses.

Red ones.

Only the best for the best.

She just wishes that Brittany was here to see them.

But she can't.

Because she's dead.

And she wipes away her tears and starts to speak softly.

"I miss you Britt. I miss you so much. I want nothing more than to get in that coffin and go up to heaven. I want to make sure you're ok. can't wait for the day...the day that I can hold you and kiss you and love you again...I can't wait for the day when we meet again, in heaven… Because you're all that matters. Everyone came to your funeral, even Sue was here. I mean, not really a surprise. Everyone loves you. I just wish you could've been here to see it. Are you ok? How's heaven? Is it as amazing as they say it is. I hope it is. You deserve it. I love you."

And the tears start to flow again as memories flood her brain.

All of the special moments.

The hand-holding.

The hugging.

The kissing.

The loving.

And it fucking hurts like hell.

Still sobbing, she opens her mouth to speak again.

"Can you just give me a sign? If you can. I just need to know that you're safe. I can live knowing that you're ok. It'll be hard, but I know I can make it through with you safe. The hurt will be there, but you'll never be in pain. It'll be worth it."

The sky darkens and rain starts to fall.

"I guess that's my cue."

She stands up and wipes the dirt off of her dress and the tears off of her cheeks.

"I love you."

And with that, she walks away.

Walks away from the best thing that she ever had.

And she goes home.

And stares at the pictures.

And cries some more.

And rocks herself to sleep.

And remembers the love.

The next morning, she wakes up.

And the sun is shining.

The first sunny day since the call.

And she smiles.

Because she knows Brittany is ok.

And she can move on.

But still, she can't wait for the day when she can see her again.

In heaven.

But she won't force it to happen.

Because she has a life to live.

And so much more love to give.

* * *

 _ **Was it alright? I haven't written in a while and feel kinda rusty. Leave a review! Even if it's a smiley face or a criticism. Anything's appreciated. This fic was inspired by "Lay me Down" by Sam Smith who is my favorite singer ever. Check it out! Thanks for Reading!**_


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